It’s been awhile and I willl probably go back and look at what I wrote last year and the beginning of this year, or whatever I wrote last and want to finish that train of though. However, right now I am simply going to write. type.
As always, writing is the way I think and process best. I keep journals and sometimes (rarely) I write here, but whatever way I write, I always miss it if I have gone too long without it.
Life has been busier than usual. Two summers ago, when Boone came back from summer camp, Kyle and I looked at each other and said “Something has changed. We’re in a new season”. He wasn’t little anymore. It was very true, that was the beginning of our new season. We’re in the middle stage of life. Middle Age, Middle School, and while we are raising kids we are also at the beginning of thinking through our parents as they age… in the middle.
The Middle is busy! I’m working part time teaching, Kyle is working, the boys have school and activities and friends. We serve at church. Our plates are full. It’s wonderful. However…
I’m feeling my limitations in a way I have never felt before and while that is hard, I love this stage of life. I am odd (In so many ways) I love being middle aged…. I think there is a whole reason why… but thats for a different post. I think it’s a priviledge and I think it is so nice to be settled into who I am. I have seen on social media a meme going around saying “being 40 is like being 16 again, but you like yourself this time.” I don’t know if that is exactly true or not, but I can relate to it. I think priorities are clearer now. I don’t care so much what other people think. I am pursuing things I love.
But back to those limitations… I have always been capable and able to do just about anything I set my mind to. That started to change with my first pregnancy, and slowly I saw my body change in ways I couldn’t control, but now, let’s just say “the middle” has hit hard and my limitations are clear.
I am in early menopause (TMI? well wait for what’s next) I also have IBS and Afib. My body is a perfect storm of issues. Sometimes those issues mean I need a nap, sometimes a bathroom, sometimes an ice cold water.! I’m not fighting it though. Yes, I try to manage my health and be wise, but that is working with my body, not against it.
I was on the phone with a friend today and she told me she just needed a good cry, but couldn’t cry because there was no need and that felt weak. Well color me weak, I cry at the drop of a hat lately. And you know what, it’s hormone regulating so I highly suggest it. I’ve also taken note of what makes me cry. It’s the beautiful things of life. I don’t cry about traffic or being inconvenienced, that’s throwing a fit. I cry during my favorite hymn, or when my boys share their heart with me, or when I can just absorb a beautiful moment, or a sweet commercial (what is wrong with me) Or when Kyle…well. nevermind.
More than any of that though, I can’t imagine being at this stage of life and worrying what people thought about me tearing up! I told my friend to cry and that I would cry with her! I also suggested she watch Anne of Green Gables, she could cry and people would think it was normal. Who doesn’t cry in that movie? Oh, sweet Matthew.
I also laugh more! With a little more perspective, a little more life lived, taking myself a little less seriously, has come more laughter. It’s delightful.
So we are busy, tired (I never used to nap… I nap now) and the kids always want to share their heart late at night. But I wouldn’t really change anything. I love it. What a privilege to age. Truly.
